How good are parents at separating the parent-caddy roles in golf for juniors? Very good answer the parents; not so good answer many junior golfers.
When I was coaching the NSW Junior team the manager and I (in consultation with the team Captain) implemented a rule whereby a parent could caddy only for someone other than their child. All the players in the team supported this decision and the team was successful in winning the Interstate Series that year. Since then I have ensured that this is a rule in any junior team with which I am involved, even though it is often unpopular with some of the parents.
The reasons at the time were based around the pressures associated with parents and siblings in the competitive environment and signals that parents unknowingly pass to their children, even though they don’t mean to and usually aren’t even aware of.
To explain; children learn to read ‘signals’ from their parents over years of being with them. These signals can be a word, a look or voice tone, etc. The meaning of these signals becomes known unconsciously to the children and is mostly out of the parent’s awareness as well. Responses to those signals in the children become anchored over time.
On the golf course the parent may respond to a shot and the child detects a fleeting glimpse of a reaction on the face of the parent and interprets that as the parent being upset with them or dissatisfied in some way. As I said most of the time these expressions are completely outside of the parent’s awareness, however the child picks them up even if they only last a fraction of a second. Even more than this, the child will expect that the parent is going to react this way even if they are out of sight, but in the vicinity of the player.
The proof of this has been borne out to me in countless conversations with golfers over time. You may even recognise it from your past with your own parents.
This philosophy has proven successful with teams I have coached over a long period of time (although it doesn’t guarantee a win). Having this consistent philosophy isn’t then a reflection on any single parent and avoids the awkward conversation with a parent that may arise if parents are allowed to caddy, whereby the golfer would be better served by the parent not being there…ouch!
This is an awkward situation and difficult for the child as we parents believe we understand the situation, but often our children hold back their feelings as they don’t want to hurt us. They acknowledge the love and support we provide as parents and don’t want to feel ungrateful.
How have you – as a junior or parent – successfully dealt with this situation in the past?